Green Zone Nairobi

Latest Post

College Degrees and Careers that Get You Laid

I wanted to move today’s post beyond the normal sex/getting-laid talk and focus on making money, but since the two are inextricably linked here in Nairobi, I couldn’t help myself. I thought instead on providing career advice and maybe posting some research that some western-based agency, or magazine, did to identify for youth the “most promising” careers. But, the most promising careers can also be the most boring and will end up keeping a girls pants on. I decided to focus on careers that will get you laid.

To start I Google’d College Degrees that Get You Laid….. nothing came up. I guess I will have rely on my own experience.

Before I start, I would like to mention the top ten careers that will definitely make it harder for you to get your dick wet:

1. Any career that doesn’t make you good money. Or any career where women would hesitate to tell her friends her man is in.

2. Mortician. Do I really need to elaborate?

3. Nurse. If a girl told me she was dating a nurse I would get an immediate hard-on…. that is until I found out she wasn’t bi-sexual and it is actually her boyfriend who is the nurse.

4. School teacher. This is sweet, but not sexy.

5. Bartender. This might get you laid in a college town in the US, but not Nairobi.

6. IT administrator. If you have this degree there is a 95% chance you don’t have a job. If you are really lucky,  you are working as an intern.

7. Waiter. This career may not hamper your ability to lay women in New York, London, or Paris, but not Nairobi. A waiter is a male version of a house help languishing in the public sphere.

8. Secretary. I am amazed how many men in Nairobi are secretaries. And when you ask them, “what do you do?” they answer point blank without hesitation: “I’m a secretary”. Their honesty is mind-boggling.

9. Shoeshine: This job can actually make you quite a bit on money… and least I think so. But a shoeshine is in no way a profession that makes you and your girlfriend excited to get up in the morning. A shoeshine in my area lit himself on fire one Saturday… true story.

10. Road Workers. Another embarrassing job that puts you in a demeaning uniform and in front of all the finely dressed ladies roaming Nairobi’s business districts.

Here is a list of careers or degrees that are will get you laid. The first one is an obvious.

1. Any career that affords you money (to attract women), or the ability to travel to various places (to meet random women at hotels).

2. Fashion designer. This one gets really gets women wet. Downside is, they’ll harass you to make them free clothes and then will make you work on them until they are perfect.

3. Doctor. Every women on the planet wants to introduce her boyfriend as “a doctor”. Sooner or later, her friends and family will simply refer to him as Dr. So and So. This is the classic  lay-compliant profession, but it better come with cash.

4. Landlord / Property Agent. Women in Kenya see homes/apts as a currency. Even better than cash in the bank. A can’t tell you how many times a woman who barely knew me jokingly asked me for an apt. OR  if she could move into my place. When I laughed back at them (I was really hoping they were kidding), they started trying to tell the joke to other men I knew… I guess it isn’t joke anymore and they actually connsome idiot into getting them a place.

5. Hotel Physical Therapist (aka gym guy). This is job that allows you access to workout equipment and ladies traveling from out of town. Buff men here in Nairobi are few and far between, so having a nice strong body can set you apart. The only downside is women who frequent the gyms are in their 40s and 50s.

6. Artist/ musician. OK this one depends on the type of artist and the type of girl you are looking for. Someone who can play a guitar and sing can get most cadres of women. Guys who “rap” or do bongo flavor can get any girl they want… *on Koinange Street*

7. Chef (at a fine hotel or restaurant). This is the type of job (men knowing how to cook) that will make women want to readjust themselves in the bathroom. However, be careful, do not to allow yourself to be called a “cook”. Actually, knowing how to prepare food like a chef is as good as being one.

8. Car salesman. If it is isn’t obvious to you why a women would want to date a guy who buys and sells fine automobiles.. Karibuni Kenya. Only in Kenya would a man working as a car salesman have an advantage over a doctor. If someone would ask me why?, let me just respond by saying:

“Kenya is a beautiful country and a renowned tourist destination. We hope that one day you can come visit.”

9. University Professor. OK this one is a bit unethical and sick. But in Kenya these guys are fucking college girls left, right, and center. Actually left, right, center, upside down, sunny side up, reverse bronco etc.

10. Gynecologist. This is the only male profession where women actually pay men to examine their Ps, and not the other way around. I know I am really disgusting, but unfortunately I am right!