Investing Advice

I’ll never understand why in Kenya, the car rules supreme. I frequently come across men who own nice cars and but no property. I mean cars that are worth 3 million KSH… where I come from that can buy you 30 acres! This makes no sense to me at all… until they explain to me that they have no trouble picking up women. This is of course if the women knows he drives a nice car which explains why I see men holding the Mercedes key chains in their hands. If this is true, which I am not convinced it is, then it is well worth the investment.  However, no woman would believe that the reason you dont own a nice car is because you own 30 acres. How the hell would you bring that up in a conversation anyways. Cars are visual extensions of the self that advertise like nothing else. A woman can sit in a car, wave to her friends in a car… it is something that she can automatically participate in and share. No matter the status of the relationship a women will always be a co-owner of a car. And this is why they are so dangerous.

However, I stress that you should also have a nice descent place to lay a woman. I know a guy with a nicer car than me but he lives with his parents. What good does a nice car do if you can’t F a women in your own place. Makes no sense.

A friend of mine has both, but he still does not own the apartment he is living in. To be honest, it doesn’t matter, because a woman would enjoy the apartment whether you own it or not. She wouldn’t give a shit if you owned the furniture or not! As long as she can sit in them.  Right now my buddy is examining a 10 year loan to buy a house way the hell out-of-town for 14 million. The worst part is he would be paying 6 million in interest.. and he would be paying interest for two years on a house that isn’t even built yet! I, on the other hand, drive a car that is worth 200,000 KSH but I also own my own house. I explain the pathetic car away to women as “Cars are bad investments”.. or “a man with a nice car is making up for something else” (ie being bad in pale pale). It really is a hard sell.

Even the most self assured educated feminist gets wet when she sees a Range Rover. I have seen it myself at work when a colleague pulled up in one with a red plate (I don’t understand why this is important either) and they all jumped out of their seats and pressed there faces against the window. We’ll at least the ones who haven’t gone through menopause. It was truely an amazing site to see… or even smell these women cumming in their pants. I’d hate to say it but I almost gave in and bought the same car.

OK back to investing. Lets say you had 1 million shillings, and you wanted to invest it and still impress. There are several options, but I tend to focus on the ones that require a bit of creativity and work. My father taught me to never trust the stock market. The first option is to take the money and invest in a start-up.. in reality you don’t need that much money. You can even run a start-up for free (minus advertising) thanks to blog hosting sites like WordPress. If have some great start-up ideas that can make some descent cash, but not enough cash for me to entertain the distraction from my current position or hobbies.

The first step would be to buy a small plot of land. I suggest land near Naivasha just outside of Nairobi where someone would actually desire a weekend get-away. It doesn’t have to be much 2-3 acres is plenty.. preferably near community land so that the occupant can enjoy the benefits of land that he or she doesn’t own. Land like, I have heard can go for as little as 100,000 KSH per acre. More reasonable prices would be 200,000 to 500,000. Generally the local communities value their land based on its fertility, soil make-up, rain fall, climate, plain etc. Land with rocky soil located at the tops of mountains is worthless to them, but priceless to someone who wants a nice view. Buy a 2 acre plot for 300,000 with a nice view. Use the rest of the money to create an access route to the property and for KPLC to lay a line. The type of house you build is critical however. I have seen Kenyan’s build insanely ugly houses that they mistakingly think they can sell to a foreigner for a huge profit. Foreigners want houses that look African and are made of African materials or they want old colonial-esq houses. They do not want house average typical houses. Get advice from one before starting the plans. Now that you have a title deed you can take out a loan for the materials and labor build the house and sell it for a tidy profit.

So if anyone asks you why you still have a rubbish phone or a crappy car, just tell them you “are smart… just ask my employees building my house in Naivasha”.