Pango wa Kando? Don’t do it.

I read an article in The Nation today reporting on how younger men are getting involved in Pango wa Kando. If you do this, young or old, you are an idiot. Obviously, you are putting yourself at risk for HIV infection because you are more likely to Nyama kwa Nyama your mistress. Secondly, there is no man alive who is playing someone and is not himself getting played. Know full well that the other woman you are keeping has another guy… period.

If you are married and are considering a side dish, I want you to first reflect on the mistake you made in getting married. So why did you do it? Pregnancy? Family Pressure? Love? I have a friend considering marriage because he “wants to have kids”. “That is not a good enough reason,” I told him. His reply: “Well, I don’t want to be known as a single 36 yo man.” I told him he sounds like a woman.

I know love doesn’t conquer all. If a heart was somehow attached to your pecker then love would conquer all. But unfortunately the heart and your industries are two separate entities. Love cannot solve everything as you have now realized. Actually there are three separate entities: your pecker, heart, and brain. If you have a brain, it should tell you marriage is a bad idea. Now… that is two against one, so the decision to stay single should be easy. Unfortunately, when God was handing out brains to men, most were probably watching a soap opera, or in the toilet.

I can understand the temptation of staying married and having another woman on the side. Life is boring. You wife is getting fat. Girls from the post-Bill Clinton generation swallow etc. Don’t put your wife through hell. Besides imagine how entertaining life would be if you had three women instead of two.

I would also ask you to consider divorce. This may cost you half of your property and assets, but it may not be as expensive as the 30,000 ksh (plus interest) you would be paying per month for your girlfriend’s upkeep. Once you are divorced, the market value of your GF will go down as well. The only reason why she is with a married man is because you are giving her 30K. Now, that she knows you are no longer under house arrest and free to roam as a single man, she will have to relent on her quota. Now that you are single, you become a suitor and can entertain the future prospects of marriage to as many women as you want.

Staying married has now become deadly (i.e. Wanjiru). Nowadays, our wife will eventually kill you because of the affair and take 100% of your assests rather than 50%. So it is not only your freedom that is priceless, but it is also your life.

So if you are married and are looking for something extra, call a divorce lawyer. It makes life easier for everyone.