sex, lies, money and modernity
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men, oral sex, sex, sex workers

*Sigh*… When Will They Learn?

Last night I watched for the first time a show called Connect on K24. I assume the show is about marriage and relationships but last nights episode was about sex. Resident Sexologist Gertrude Mungai was being interviewed on how Kenyan women can “spice up their marriage”… Mombasa Raha. I assume since this was a women’s show the target audience is married women who are most likely to stay home on a Saturday night. Some of the advice Gertrude gave included taking the baby out of the room before engaging in sex, wearing nice lingerie, changing positions at least 5 times, and of course “better communication”. She advised women to look carefully at what the husband wants, to communicate with the husband, and to… yes, I am not kidding… write down what she has learned. I agree with everything that was said, especially the lingerie (I checked out her website and she is selling thongs so she knows something). But this whole discussion seemed a little PG. Forgive me but I think if we are having a discussion about underwear, positions, taking notes(!), or whether or not the mtoto should be in the room when having sex, then we are at the most basic level. Any women that has to literally take notes on an actual note pad is already kwisha. One important note she left out: a man will never tell his wife his deepest desires because he knows no married women would be able to fulfill them.

I have to congratulate K24 for having the courage to promote show a show and for Gertrude to tackle these issues. I believe, like her, that a healthy sex life promotes fidelity and reduces the spread of HIV – of course my recommendation would not to get married in the first place… but hey! The issue that I have is the show was made up of married women explaining to married women how to spice up a marriage. If you use the term spice up, there is already a problem. The food that is being served to you is either good or it isn’t. I think a better approach would be to invite men & women who are infidel and ask them to describe point blank why they look for sex outside of the marriage. I know this who never be possible, but I can assure you the men at least would not be talking about the need to change sexual positions.

Maybe there is something that I am missing. I always make the women cum before I do.. usually through cunnilingus followed by penetration as she is climaxing. Her cumming and enjoying sex, to the best of my knowledge, has never been an issue. I know women are prone to faking and I have been a victim. I do the best I can. In fact, I prefer to get her off rather than myself. The problem that I have is finding a woman who is dirty enough to get me off. I am convinced that a woman either has what it takes or doesn’t. If you are a women and you don’t understand what I mean by dirty or kinky, understand this.. all men want classy women that act filthy in the bedroom. It is an unwritten rule that any women who screams to a man to cum on her face, or to beg you to allow her to swallow your semen, after being rammed doggie style on the kitchen table is marriage material.

As humans lives and desires are shaped by what we see around us including TV. We see a neighbor with a washing machine, flat screen TV or BMW.. we envy them and want the same. Women’s standards for relationships are defined and redefined by what she see her friends are doing or the cheesy Telenovelas on KTN. Her friends are of course bull-shitting her when they say their husbands bring them flowers every week, or tells her constantly how much he loves and appreciates her – this is just to make the friend jealous. On the other hand,  baba watoto’s standards for relationships are defined by the porn he watches. All men watch porn.. I am not even going to entertain the notion that they don’t. Osama Bin fucking Laden watches porn! And he was the most religiously fanatical person on planet Earth. Of course, if you ask your man if he has ever watched porn, or watches porn, he will mostly likely say no. In fact, this is a good indicator of the openness and communication in your relationship. Ask your husband or boyfriend if he has seen porn in the last month. If he says “No” then you seriously need to reassess your sex life. I had a girlfriend who was awful in bed and in general very conservative.. porn never came up, but if it did, I would deny I watch it out of respect for her. I had another girl who was great in bed.. porn did come up and in fact she brought it up asking if we could watch together. This women got it. If you are woman and you think acts viewed on mainstream porn sites are disgusting and degrading or Un-Christian then fine…. stay single or join a convent. Even oral sex in biblical times was probably considered hedonistic. I still meet people who think drinking alcohol is un-Christian even though Christ drank wine himself.

I saw on Gertrude’s website a variety of things for sale that gave me a double take, such as inspirational books, rose petals, feminel(?) washes etc. These items are great solutions if you are a lonely house wife who wants to turn on another lonely house wife. They will have no impact on a man. Men are born animals plain and simple. They have to be feed, bathed, and taken care of like any other creature. The only problem is if one dog sees another one dog eating nyama choma while he is eating ugali he is going to get jealous. So in summary, know that ugali is not the only option for a man. Right now your man sees nyama choma everywhere.. and it is being sold on Koinage street.

Back to the show Connect. At no point was there a discussion about dick sucking, swallowing, ball licking, domination, trash talking, pussy licking, anal stimulation/licking etc. I am not going to go into detail about how to do these things.. I would however strongly advise against you taking advice from another so-called happily married women. Instead talk to the sex worker her husband is visiting. If this is not possible visit pornhub.com watch a couple of videos and ask/beg your husband to defile you in the same way. If you need to take notes, please do.

Also I recommend that women focus on how they look, and I don’t mean how they dress, wear, make-up etc. I am talking about their bodies. This was another topic that unfortunately was not brought up. There should be an entire episode on Connect dedicated to reducing belly fat. I really don’t care if a woman has had a baby or not. I have seen plenty of women that have had children and don’t have belly fat. There is really no excuse.. for men and women.

About greenzonenairobi

A cigar smoking, body building, whiskey drinking mans man. A serial entrepreneur bent on moving dominating and driving. A lover, a fighter, and an orgasm delivery machine.

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